Why 2015 is going to be the year I optimise

As Gay Death (or what you heteros call 30) approaches in 2015 I've decided this must be the year I achieve some stuff. So, since its a topical number, I've selected 30 New Year's resolutions for this year. And in order to make myself more accountable I thought I'd share them all with you. Here goes...

1. Drink a glass of water before and after EVERY drink.

2. Plan New Year's Eve in advance so I don't end up getting trashed at Tamsin's and then getting stuck in a cab listening to Kiss FM at midnight.

3. Attempt to grow a beard.

4. Give up attempting to grow a beard when, inevitably, it turns out I still can't grow a beard and it's just shit stubble again.

5. Avoid getting sucked into The DIY Vortex again. Maybe just finish doing up my flat. 

6. Not get another boyfriend (this shouldn't be difficult).

7. Instead, kiss lots of boys (marginally trickier).

8. Finish watching all of Rupaul's Drag Race.

9. Stop listening to Pitbull when drunk.

10. Get rid of lots of stuff.

11. Buy more stuff.

12. Buy more shoes.

13. Remember material goods do not necessarily bring happiness.

14. Buy more shoes.

15. Go to Japan. Anyone wanna come?

16. Reduce intake of foods beginning with ch. Especially tuna.

17. Read Middlemarch.

18. Watch more telly.

19. Get Rhiannon married off so she can blag someone else on Whatsapp all day.

20. Fix that thing on my bike I've been meaning to fix for about a year, which would probably take less time to fix than it's taken to write this admittedly quite long sentence.

21. Make peace with my hair.

22. Learn how not to fall asleep on the night bus home when drunk.

23. Use more emojis. 

24. Book more gigs instead of complaining when my friends go to the gigs I wanted to go to.

25. Get friends to book tickets for Glastonbury when the re-sale happens. Guys, if you're reading this, book tickets for Glastonbury when the re-sale happens! 

26. Stop saying "I heard an interesting thing on Radio 4 the other day...".

27. Maybe add some stations other than 4 and 6 to my presets (hello Magic 105.4!)

28. Finish that bestselling novel.

29. Turn 29 again.

30. Think of a 30th thing. Something important.